How did we choose our Egg Donors?

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I was talking to lovely Marna at Herts and Essex Fertility Centre in Cheshunt, Waltham Cross this week about content we were planning together (surrounding egg and sperm donation). I mentioned our own personal journey, which often creates a lot of curiosity. How do you choose an Egg Donor when you are two men? 

Our family wouldn’t be what it is without the vital components and incredible assistance from Caroline and our Egg Donors. We often get asked about ‘How did you pick your donor?’ UK Egg and Sperm Donation is regulated heavily, and the criteria is very clear. 

There are no fancy brochures with photographs of the donors, like in the US, it is all anonymous through the clinics – under HFEA regulations, until the child turns 16, and then full disclosure at aged 18 (if they wish). However you can also take your own donor to the clinic, and this is referred to as ‘Known Egg Donation. One thing which is also fairly popular is Egg Sharing, this is when one woman shares her eggs with another recipient. It can often help fund or part fund the donors treatment. Speak to Herts & Essex Fertility Centre about their Egg Bank and the benefits of Egg sharing for more information.

We’ve always been open with regards to which one of us is biologically linked to our children. We don’t think it matters massively – which is probably why we’re so flippant about it. As we all know, it is not DNA that defines family. But in case you’re wondering; Michael – Talulah and Wes – Duke. 

So if we could have children naturally what would that look like? We both look very different to one and other, and as we were using my (Michael) sperm to create our first set of embryos which later resulted in Talulah.  We wanted to create a child that may resemble both of us. Research already tells us eggs and sperm may be even able to be created via skin cells. Possibly allowing same sex couples to pass on both their DNA to their children. 

Donor Matched!

So when we started our donor search back in 2015 we asked the clinic to find us a Blonde Haired, paler skin, Blue Eyed Donor. Matching Wes, with the exception of height! We asked for a taller donor, as neither one of us is blessed with long legs! Donor characteristics are all you can filter donors by. After around 6 months we were matched to our donor. In February 2016 those eggs were fertilised, five were retrieved and a fresh embryo was transferred on the 13th February 2016 to be exact. The remaining 2 blastocysts were frozen. The embryo image (black and white) is actually Talulah! Mind blowing eh?

When the time came to beginning treatment again in 2018, we approached the original Donor. Sadly due to medical reasons she couldn’t donate again. We were left gutted. So after a failed treatment plan and the total loss of our second egg retrieval from a new donor, we decided to explore known egg donation and we moved clinic.

This time a friend our friend Francesca, offered to donate her ‘excess cells’ to us (her words). As she was more of a match to my (Michael) complexion we were obviously very excited. Fran is tall, brown haired and brown eyes – a perfect match to be fair, based on our criteria.

No matter how clear we were with our donor criteria I’m still the only brown eyed human in our house. However I’d never change it, we’re bless with our babies and we’re eternally grateful to our Surrogate and our Egg Donors, (whoever one of them is?). Thank you ladies, you helped create a tribe we’re incredibly proud of.