Finding a Fertility Clinic that includes you as a non bio parent; I have the solution

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Embarking on fertility treatment is one of the most nerve wracking experiences I’ve ever endured. It beats the highest rollercoasters and the wildest of blind dates. Although the outcome could be similar, you’re possibly going home disappointed, unsatisfied or desperate to come back and kick off where you left off (in not particular order!)

We had treatment in 2015 at Care Fertility Manchester for our first child Talulah. It was the first time we had stepped foot into a fertility clinic. Posters covered the waiting area. White, blonde haired men and women smiling joyfully in a green field with the wind in their hair and not a care in their eyes. However, this isn’t fertility treatment is it? Regardless how you approach surrogacy, one things for sure. We just want it to run smoothly, feel present, to have consistency, and we want to come back smiling. So the opposite of the blind dates I’d been on PW!* (*Pre Wes).

We had nothing to compare our treatment to, we were just grateful they would treat two men. The number of clinics that turned us away even in 2015 was shocking. I still remember those clinics that refused to treat us due to our sexuality and treatment choice. One thing is certain though, our point of contact at the clinic was wonderful – Selina Wilkinson was worth her weight in gold, and we knew this because when she wasn’t in clinic, we were reminded that one of us ‘wasn’t Michael’. Wes often felt excluded, alienated and left out. Most of the appointments involved talking about my sperm, my appointments, my future biological child. But this child had two dads, two parents; neither more important that the other.

Not only us…

Our experience isn’t unique sadly. Others feel the same, and not just when one of the patients isn’t biologically linked to child being created. Heterosexual couples (mainly men) feel like the spare part too, they feel like the insignificant other. The one not having the procedure. The spare wheel. We host around 25 consultations a month, 50% of which are heterosexual couples and the men often stay quiet on our call. So when we engage more with them, they’re often caught of guard. ‘No-one ever wants to listen to what I think’ said ‘B’ an IP we’ve supported, when we spoke to them both last month. ‘It’s only about [his wife] treatment, her period, her reaction to medication, her mental health. All of which is valid and important, but what about how I feel about all those things.

‘I have to be seen to hold things together for us both – but most of the time, I feel I can’t’

‘B’ Intended Father from Oxfordshire

We do not want to feel ‘spare’, ‘useless’ or excluded. We’re here too.

Patient vs. Consumer

I often find clinics don’t like to treat patients as consumers, its as if that’s a dirty phrase – but its not. Bad customer service accounts for 68% of patients choosing another fertility clinic, a recent survey found. However there is hope.

Herts & Essex Fertility Centre

I’ve been working in the Fertility sector since 2013, my background before TwoDadsUK was born was and still is a medical recruiter. Pre children, I ran my own healthcare recruitment agency. I later diversified our business to focus on the fertility sector as I saw the shortages building, and secondly I understood the influence of a great Fertility Nurse, Healthcare Assistant or Consultant. It was also the start of my passion for the sector too.

Calming, Caring and Inclusive

One of the most inclusive and calming settings I’ve ever had the pleasure of entering was Herts & Essex Fertility Centre in Cheshunt. I’ve visited the clinic wearing many hats. As a recruiter sourcing Embryologists and Fertility Nurses for them and as TwoDadsUK, and then later as My Surrogacy Journey and The Modern Family Show and the clinic showed their support for a wider community. This is a clinic that tries so hard to get it right, and to improve if things don’t always happen the way they should, and including everyone in a treatment plan is how this incredible team excel.

“As a diverse and inclusive clinic, we do everything possible to include men in the fertility journey, to ensure that no one is exclude”

Debbie Evans – Director of Clinical Services

Debbie also went on to say ‘We understand just how difficult fertility treatment can be on a physical and emotional level. We make a concerted effort to give our patients a pleasant experience whilst undergoing treatment with us. Although life has moved on from last year, these are still unprecedented times. We are still working in restricted ways to reduce the risk of COVID spreading to our staff and patients’.

The team follow guidelines from the various governing bodies which include, the HFEA, CQC, BFS and ARCS. The clinic currently only allow partners to attend pregnancy scans with patients based on guidance and advice.

Over the last 18 months I’ve personally seen around 10/15 sets of intended parents get introduced to the clinic via our pathway. The joy – seeing all of them have a wonderfully positive experience is what makes this a stand out service. Clinics don’t always get it right, but what matters is when they don’t – they do the right thing by you. They listen, they improve, they learn. Something many others centres could benefit from. Keep an eye out for more Insta Live’s with the team. If you’ve manage to catch them previously you would have seen how much fun we had.

Contact the team

If you’d like to hear more about Herts & Essex Fertility Centre, contact them here and arrange an appointment to speak to their Surrogacy team lead by the wonderful Sarah Templeman.

The clinic have also recently launched a brand new egg and sperm bank. You can become a registered sperm donor through their Sperm Sharing programme. The clinic will offer you and your partner one free* IVF treatment cycle (*excluding drugs and HFEA fee) in exchange for your donated sperm. The Sperm Sharing programme is very successful and can help to reduce the cost of your fertility treatment.

Download their sperm donation brochure here.