A Day in the Life of a Fertility Counsellor – Tracey Sainsbury

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I’m proud to be part of the counselling team at Lister Fertility Clinic in Chelsea. Before becoming a counsellor, I worked with a national fertility charity, and Lister Fertility Clinic was a regular supporter of our initiatives to help people on their journey to parenthood. What I’ve always admired is their commitment to holistic care, recognising that fertility treatment is not just about the body.

Although we have a counsellor in the clinic each week, I now counsel remotely, which offers patients the comfort of speaking from their own homes or safe spaces. I find this adds to the sense of ease, particularly when exploring topics that can feel deeply personal. I stay closely connected to the clinic’s team, regularly joining meetings and being available for catch-ups between appointments.

The Role of Fertility Counselling

As a counsellor, I offer support through various stages of treatment and beyond. My training has equipped me to listen deeply, helping people process their emotions, fears, and hopes. At the same time, I keep myself up-to-date with the latest research and regulations from the Human Fertilisation & Embryology Authority, ensuring that my clients receive the most relevant support and guidance. In today’s digital world, many clients have researched intensely, sometimes needing help to navigate the overwhelming amount of information they find online.

Starting My Day

My day begins around 6:45 a.m., giving me time to review fertility news alerts before heading to my home office at 7:30. This helps me stay informed on the latest developments, which may have been read by my clients – some looking for the latest breakthroughs to fuel their hope.

Before each session, I review my notes to meet clients where they are, whether they’re at the beginning of their fertility journey, managing loss, or transitioning to new treatment plans. Every story is unique, and while some find healing in retelling theirs, others find it retraumatizing. Part of my role is to provide a safe, compassionate space, tailoring the support to meet each individual or couple’s needs.

Supporting Same-Sex Couples and Families

At Lister, we are committed to providing inclusive care to all our clients, including those in the LGBTQIA+ community. Same-sex couples and individuals navigating surrogacy, donor conception, or fertility preservation often face unique challenges. Fertility journeys can be complex and sometimes overwhelming, and counselling plays a critical role in helping people feel heard, supported, and empowered throughout.

We work closely with the LGBTQIA+ community, providing education, resources, and emotional support for individuals and couples on their pathway to parenthood. Whether it’s navigating surrogacy, donor conception, or fertility preservation, we aim to help each person embrace their journey with self-care and compassion.

Implications Counselling: Preparing for the Future

A key part of my work is Implications Counselling, where we discuss the social, ethical, and legal considerations of using a donor or surrogate. This can be especially important for same-sex couples or solo parents who are navigating these decisions. I ensure that they are not only comfortable with the logistics but also prepared for future conversations with their child or family about how they came into the world.

We talk about everything, from the impact of genetic testing to the potential of discovering genetic half-siblings. For instance, in the UK, a donor can help up to 10 families, which might mean children conceived through the same donor could one day want to connect. These conversations can be complex, but they are also incredibly meaningful, helping future parents feel informed and confident in their decisions.

Embracing Self-Care on the Fertility Journey

Self-care is a recurring theme in my counselling sessions. Fertility treatment can be emotionally taxing, and it’s crucial to pause, reflect, and nurture your well-being. Whether clients are moving forward with treatment or coming to terms with outcomes they didn’t expect, we explore ways to practice self-compassion. It’s ok to take things slow, to acknowledge every part of your journey, and to lean on support systems around you – be it family, friends, or your care team.

For same-sex couples, there may be additional layers of complexity, including navigating societal expectations or legal processes. My goal is to provide tools for resilience, helping clients stay grounded, supported, and connected throughout the journey.

Looking Forward

Each day as a fertility counsellor is different, bringing with it new challenges and moments of reflection. Some days, I work with individuals freezing their eggs, others with couples navigating surrogacy, and more often now, with clients exploring co-parenting or donor conception. My work is a blend of science, ethics, and care, and the emotional richness of every story keeps me passionate about what I do.

By the time I finish my day at 3:30 p.m., I’ve learned something new from each client, each situation, and from myself as well. It’s these moments of connection and growth that make me excited for the next day.